On my way there it occurred to me that I hadn't thought through the question of whether I would participate in any of the prayer or just be an observer. Would I get down? When I'm in a church, I sit respectfully, I listen for points of connection, but I never kneel. But that's different - in a church it is either an image of Jesus or a symbol representing his divinity that is the thing people are kneeling before. That is a way of understanding God that I cannot share.

I'm always at a loss for where I stand in Jerusalem, and not just geographically. I don't know how to represent myself. I'm an American Jewish tourist, but I mostly shy away from American Jewish tourists for internalized Anti-Semitic reasons that I have yet to fully own. My Hebrew is fluent and I have a smattering of Arabic, so I prefer to be taken for an unidentifiable foreigner when possible, an international secret agent rather than someone for whom Israel was the next logical step after summer camp.